Standing Outside the Fire
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You may change your settings at any time but this may impact on the functionality of the site. To learn more see our Cookies Policy. Work ongoing to find "amicable solution" to Garth Brooks drama Jul 6th , Standing Outside The Fire. ALLways it's crushing me too! Like I don't know how I'm gonna go on???
Cause if not the moment doubt crept in Does happy even exist? ALLways it would fade cause our minds would kill it and force it. Certainly not cause I want it to cause I don't. I'm trying to protect IT with everything I've got! ALLways don't do that. So getting a new job would be the only way to keep the doubt away. To make sure you stayed happy with your life. ALLways that will make it worse cause then you truly will allways wonder.
ALLways do you want to just say F ck it? ALLways or do you want to commit to something? ALLways and I'm not saying decide Now. I'd like to get to 1 appointment and ask why I'm risking everything? Why am I willing to hurt everyone for my own happiness? Does that make me a monster who will never be truly happy? Or we'll never take a real step forward. We shuffle along like we have been but that's not what either of us wants. I'm never going to stop wondering whether you are in front of me or not.
In my heart right now, I know you are who I want to be with but I don't want to hurt my kids and everyone else. I don't want to have to struggle even more than we already do for money. Are all these things worth it to me YES I want you, I choose you.
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But choosing you isn't fair to anyone and if I just walk away from you then I'm making the decision I'm deciding to let you move on without me always here making you wonder. ALLways I want to choose you too. But all that stuff is rational. Do I believe WE would make it work - yes I do. And if we weren't we would have to communicate every feeling and emotion we were sharing so that we didn't all anything to eat at or or break US down.
We have always shared everything, every feeling and emotion. You and I can't decide to be together today, next week or next month. We need time but it's not fair to them to keep them waiting. Or what if 3 years down the road they are like Nope, you did this horrible thing long ago and I was second choice and I'm out now. What if, what if, what if ALLways it hasn't been an issue but we could never let it develop into one. So when we were struggling with the reality of the situation we would have share and explain those feeling and not allow them to be bottled up and held inside for resentment to manifest itself.
ALLways and please don't talk about a new job regardless. You have a great job and it provides for you and your family. You throwing that away would devastate me - cause I'd feel responsible. Am I they selfish or do I have that much conviction in US? But I know seeing children cry is going to be real too Am we strong enough to lean on eachother to get through that.
We have had our own little tests but this would be a whole new level. But there are kids to think about. We know we don't want to hurt them. Choosing US will hurt them. But will not choosing US hurt them down the road when they see their parents not completely happy? I have no doubts in OUR relationship.
Not one single doubt I am just struggling with the hurt the kids will feel. If I'm hurting this bad I can't imagine what tearing their lives apart will do to them. Colton has enough on his plate, I haven't even told you he has to be held back next year. Carlee has my emotions and she will be so confused. I am just so scared. Scared to hurt them and scared to lose you, lose US. ALLways it will hurt the kids. Will the love they see between US be enough to get them through the pain. But will putting them 1st and above all where they need to be ruin US? Will we drift away and lose the connection that is at our core?
Not cause we "want to" but because life will steal our shine.
Garth Brooks:Standing Outside The Fire Lyrics
How will we keep the tree growing and the love burning? We may feel like we are slipping cause life gets in the way but we would be open and honest and communicate. ALLways I believe that too. We'd lose some shine but still sparkle. But given that news - is too much? ALLways too much risk? But risking their happiness in the future by staying isn't fair either. ALLways so what do we do? ALLways cause what I wants hasn't changed.
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I want to choose you and commit to you. That's completely self and the things holding US back are telling me and you "don't do it". But I want to so bad!!!! But don't want to lose US during the fight.
He asked me if I have seen or talked to you today. I told him no you aren't here. He said good that makes me feel better. Then later he said. ALLways I don't want the pain we inflict on the kids and delay their development. ALLways N is done with me if any of this is revealed. I'm holding on by a thread there. Like a single thread You said that our call this morning can't come out and it won't unless he asks me or has proof but is US hiding that telling us we don't want them to find out and be done or are we just scared of the hurt we will cause??
All of this needs to stay between US. And maybe even die with US ALLways I'm scared of the hurt and not on them. That's there already Flag missingUS on May 04, ALLways you can confidently say there has been no touching. But anthing else needs to stay here. I hate hate hate that US could die. Like probably the most of all the hurt. ALLways I'm telling you he or anyone better have proof.
It can't be just him asking your 2x if your lying. It can't have happened or the decision is made ALLways and right now I'm searching for an answer not a decision. I will not tell him about this. ALLways can I tell you that as bad as my night was, I hoped yours was worse. And that you made a decision. And whatever it was whatever worse means I would have felt a sense of relief knowing what I needed to do.
ALLways I'm not longer talking about any of the hurt expect the little 4. Can we get through that. I'm not saying get over it - cause we will struggle. But could we overcome. I feel that we could overcome the hurt but it will NOT be easy. ALLways could we build a bubble for the 6 of us to thrive - be happy, laugh, learn, play ALLways nothing worth gettin is easy!
ALLways I know we've said it but if we truly believe it then it isn't purely a selfish decision. Cause we'd be believing that we are Bettering their lives! ALLways and we'd have to believe in it so much that we'd say it when people asked why. At least to those who we felt needed to know the truth behind our actions. All he want to do is touch and be positive. I give him what he needs but my heart is not in it. I feel like that is giving him false hope. What are your daily interactions with her?
Do you feel like you push her away so you don't feel a connection with her and lose the one you have with me or is it just cause there is no emotional spark with her. Obviously that what was missing for both of us and that's what lead to US.
M sent it to me and asked me to listen so I did. I know how it made me feel and I want to see how it makes you feel. ALLways after the 1st week her and I were in a good place were were connecting mentally and physicall 2x and then it hit me like a truck that I might always have this self doubt and I started pulling back and push myself away.
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Even though she was trying to show me I should be "picking her" I didn't want that. So I closed up just like had been doing prior to it all coming out - probably more so even. The 1st week, I let him in and even felt a little connection but the next week, it was like no I'm still feeling a void.
ALLways since that 1st week I don't even text her much at all. Cause like you I'm trying to limit the interactions that give false hope. She had turned cold towards me since Tuesday and now is very cold today. Since Tuesday we've hardly touched But I'm still pushing him away. I'm too scared to lose you. ALLways it bothers me but I haven't shed a tear about it at this point. But I think there is truth to the fact that both of us want them to be cold and push us away so we don't have to make the decision.
They make it for us Flag missingUS on May 04, ALLways I watched the video. Sounds like you're gonna be going to church. I know I've felt better having cleared my conscious of my actions. But church hadn't changed my heart or my gut. But like I told you before, I can't do anything whole heartedly if it means you are not in my life. How did their story make you feel? ALLways I can't go back to that 1st week and create that cause That didn't last. Especially when money is tight? I know I would. It's only an option if we choose them I swear every word she is singing it everything we are.
My favorite part is "you love the way I am". ALLways I can't imagine having 3 years of that kind of patience. There story was similar to the ones I heard last weekend. I question what I want ALLways and you do the same for me. I open up differently. You love me for who I am now! And I feel the same. I need and want to tell you everything. ALLways that's cause you're really awesome ALLways I have to same desire to tel you everything. But we have to get back to the little She mentioned N leaving with the kids. I thought oh my goodness, if she leaves and when I say leave I mean move away it won't just be you it affects.
Your mom sees them so often and what about Breah. I hate to think that they won't be able to see them whenever they wanted.
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I hate thinking that you won't see them whenever you want, I hate thinking I won't get to see them. I miss them too. I love them too ALLways I don't believe Nickie would do anything that extreme. She knows that my family is going to support her no matter what. Could she move to GR yeah she could, but that would be it would be my responsibility to make sure their cousin life is still there.
And I know WE would do that. I think N is convinced you'll be a wicked step mother but I know nothing could be further from the truth. Would it be different with someone else, yeah but they would feel the love. And neither of us is expecting to be the all powerful parent. At least I'm not. I'm scared to death of them. I love them, my kids love them. There would be so much love So much TRUE love! ALLways any interaction with S today? Please remember that this conversation need to be protected at costs. It bothers me that she doesn't ever talk to me or ask me about things.
I feel like she is not really my true friend. ALLways she's trying to be a friend to everyone and it's just spread her thin. I actually sympathize for but know I need to cut my cord. And I thought that would hurt but it's nothing compared to the hurt in my heart Flag missingUS on May 04, ALLways the hurt is because is don't want to.
In spite of every reason to do so! If you are ready to take that step then do it. ALLways I want to let our sun shine down. ALLways I want each of us to have the process but maybe we don't get it. I want to know what happens when you tell your counselor this Flag missingUS on May 04, ALLways I can't just do it - just like you can't. Cause it's forcing the others hand Flag missingUS on May 04, I don't know what is best and you are right we need time but maybe we don't get it.
Did she tell you you shouldn't be talking to me? ALLways I can't and don't want to force what could be the biggest decision in my life. Even though my actions are saying ice decided. I go back Monday at 5: Why would anyone but us think it's a good idea for us to talk. Then please do that please, hurt me. I can not and will not hold you back from what will make you happy.
ALLways sorry I stopped to talk to my Dad and it led to an hour plus long discussion. He wants to come out to my house to talk to both of us tonight.
Not sure what he's gonna say But like you want to me more confident for the little 4. I want to get there ALLways but I feel the exact same as you. If you hear and believe that you can be happy else where or just can stand that possible hurt on your kids - then hurt me. Make it hurt so good. Come on Baby make it hurt so good cause sometimes love don't feel like it should ALLways I'll update you as I can but don't feel like you have to reply if you feel like this talking is ruining any chance you have left.
We don't doubt that. Never have, never will. It's confidence we lack, not belief. I hope the talk helped. Let me know how it went please. ALLways the 1st talk went ok. But then he came to our house to talk to both of us and it was one of the most powerful experiences I've ever been part of. After he left we talked for hours not fighting but with an understanding of everything that I'm feeling - about myself, about You, and about her.
And with me hearing her thoughts and feelings about me, herself, and even you. In the end the ONLY thing she asked was that you and I don't let talking influence the help we are receiving from a professional. Because it would be a detriment to either of us actually getting better. And that's what she wants for me and you as much as she hated to say it about you. Then YOU have to have that happiness inside you. Flag missingUS on May 05, ALLways I'm not trying to cut ties and run like I talked about before last time. That didn't work and I doubt it would if that was the attempt we made.
I'm saying I need to give you a chance though and I kinda need you to tell me where that line is so that I don't cross it. Once you've had the opportunity and have found the insight, answer, or comfort to make a decision then I'd like to be able to sit down and discuss it together. You deserve that for yourself. I can tell you that I'm not running away or abandoning you or US.
But it's a process. What's meant to be, will be. But we have to respect the process. We owe to ourselves to discover what happy is, especially of what we think would make us happy is the ultimate path. And all our family and friends. So if l pass on some questions it's because I think it would influence to or lead you someplace that You need to find on your own. ALLways I have not made a decision but I am more comfortable with the consequences that come with a choice.
And will find peace - but only if I can find happiness within. I am so glad that you have people in your life that are willing to reach out and open you eyes heart and mind.
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I am in such a terrible place this morning. I can't stop crying. I don't even know what to say what to feel or what to do. ALLways well you can talk to me to start. I'm not going to lean you someplace but I'm going to listen. ALLways and remember God doesn't make junk! ALLways your emotions are neither right nor wrong. They are yours and in this moment that are what you feel ALLways and if you can't talk to me, tell me and I'll find someone for you to talk to.
I cried the whole time but it felt good to tell her how I am feeling. Maybe that can't happen. But I did tell M this morning I may need to talk to you more. I don't know when or where but I feel like if we are ever going to make a choice we need to get it all out there. ALLways as long as it's not going to derail you I'll do whatever I can to help you. M is asking me to call him so I'm going to do that now. ALLways I think you and I need have this face to face today. I've ask N and will ask M.
ALLways he told me that over the phone and I just wrote and asked him if he was ok with that happening today. Do you want to do it then. Where would you like to do it? I am not in the place you are today. I am still lost scared and confused. I don't know what we'll do. We'll just get in the car and drive or we'll go sit at SMC. ALLways I will tell you everything. ALLways I know you're not there and I don't want to force you there. I promise that you'll never be lonely. I am a lost boy from neverland.
Run run lost boy Flag ALLways ALLways I can tell you this right now. And I told N this and I told M this today. Down to my core to the blood that pumps through my body - I can't move forward without KNOWING you are happy and will do anything and everything to ensure that. I understand the consequences of saying that. But it is who I am and I stand up to them.
We have so much to say to each other and I am so happy we are getting this opportunity. Thank you for making it happen. ALLways I see a lot of hurt in your eyes and that just hit me!!!!! ALLways you're an incredible women that's why I'm here. That's why I have peace in a moment that I'm going to make myself the most vulnerable that I've ever experienced. ALLways I will give you all I have. I might have some peace but I'm scared out of my mind.
You are not alone. And you never will be. It could be a start. Or it could be the beginning ALLways and just like that I get stregth. From tears down my face to a sense of calm before the storm I am racking my brain trying to think of what the future is going to bring for me and for us. You telling me that you would choose me is hard cause you know I choose you too but then you turn around and say we need the process. I get that we need the process, we have been saying that all along but I am just ALLways you are going through the process.
Today I think you realized something. You realized what you want Now let the process guide you to it. You might think you know today but we don't. If we didn't we wouldn't second guess. Lean on people to help even when you wonder if they are - they might say something that at the time means nothing but 5 days laters speaks to you. And you can reach back out and ask if you understand things clearer. And now you should. I was just opening myself up and being vulnerable. But if the process reveils that it's not there M is going to be much more accepting of anything.
I didn't end up stopping to talk to him - he's was too busy. Nickie was kind of a wreck thinking closure was gonna take place and that a decision was working itself out. I told her that it didn't happen. And as nice as it was to have that opportunity, in some sense we question if we accomplished much at all. But it meant lot to ME to have that moment ALLways are you scared to make a decision? ALLways cause I am.
ALLways but I know one thing. You will catch me. And I will catch YOU. And I'll know that you know. And WE will support eachother decision. She said some things that she saw when talking to me on Friday and she knew my decision was made then. It doesn't go further Flag missingUS on May 05, She is actually thinking that may be what's best as much as it will hurt everyone. Now she didn't want to tell me cause she didn't want to hurt my process but im glad she did. How are you feeling now? ALLways we talked about Everything. Like everything and he gets it for the most part but doesn't like the idea of losing.
I'm not sure how you want to approach her if you do without telling her I told you to. I said she should talk to you but she said she's not sure you want to Flag ALLways I am going to have to have a conversation with him too. I don't know what to say or what I shouldn't. I don't have the same reservations as maybe be should in these situations.
For crying out loud I talk to your husband! ALLways tell me that. That you don't know. Tell him how you feel today and that it's a death sentence it's just a feeling and listen to his. I know it sounds so simple ALLways we talked about how it went talking today. And how I think it all started way back when. And how important I think allowing you to find happiness within was. And how important a positive communication channel is for the future regardless of what happens - and that he should want that for himself Flag missingUS on May 05, You've never even told me that Flag ALLways I know it was like we thought we were gonna figure this all out and have closure but we didn't.
ALLways I understand where you're coming from. I'm not even entirely sure. But I don't want to do it "here". Quiero recibir notificaciones de artistas destacados y noticias. Villancicos Queen River Plate. Desktop Google Chrome Windows 8. Mi perfil Enviar letra Mensajes Editar Salir.